More Trip Essay II

On our last essay post C got the heavy essay structure lesson, so this time it's Sam's turn. We went through her essay and thought about what she really talked about and worked on a better topic sentence and introductory paragraph.

DISNEYLAND VS. LEGOLAND

My family and I went on a trip to Southern California. We went to Crestline, the town where my family lived before I was born. We also went to Disneyland and Legoland. Disneyland and Legoland are both theme parks that are fun to visit.

At Disneyland there are some of my favorite rides. The Safari Ride, Pirates of the Caribbean, Alice in Wonderland, Finding Nemo, and It’s a Small World are rides that move you through a show. Thunder Mountain Railroad, Star Tours, Rocket Ride, Autopia, and the Mad Tea Party are rides that are based on motion. I hated the Indiana Jones ride because it was too swervy, loud, and spooky, so it made me sick.

Legoland was fun too, because we had never been there. My favorite ride was Knight's Tournament. It is an arm that you get harnessed on to and it spins you around and turns you upside down. Some other rides that I liked are Sky Rider, Kidpower Tower, Splash Battle, Skipper School, Pirates Ship, Fire Engine, and the Knights Playground. Volvo Driving School was much better than Autopia because you could go wherever you want. The Technic Coaster was awesome too. If you want to know what it's like, read my brother's essay.

Our trip to Southern California was awesome. We had lots of fun at Disneyland and Legoland, and I want to go there again.


C got a brainstorming assignment for his next essay. This morning we read the part of The Two Towers where Merry and Pippin meet Treebeard the Ent (tree creature). Treebeard explains that, in his language, his name is very long because it is a description of his very long life. We had a discussion about his frame of reference--his lack of mobility and long life--and about whether other cultures might use descriptive names. His assignment is to tell the story (or give the name of) an oak Ent living or growing on our property.